Relationship - Are You Sacrificing More

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No relationship is equal give and take. In every relationship, both the partners make adjustments to make the relationship a success. Both give up many choices in life and try to contribute for the continuation of the relationship. Sacrifices are always called for in a healthy relationship. The relationship thrives on them. When we sacrifice we feel good because we feel worthy. Having given up something always makes us feel good.
It can also make us feel bad, if it goes on from one side and the other partner not even acknowledges that. The resentment sets in to the detriment of the relationship.


Why Sacrifice- two people cannot relate and live together peacefully, if they set their own conditions of living. They have to draw a common way and sacrifice their own hobbies, interests, and many other interests. Manyadjustments have to be made to make a relationship succeed.

Are You Sacrificing More - human beings are all different. Some of us are givers by our natural instinct. In any relationship, such people will always give without any second thought. As the relationship progresses, such givers keep on sacrificing more and more to make the relationship work and keep the partner happy. Slowly the resentment may develop. I am only giving since years. I am not getting anything in return. Why am I being demanded to give again and again. I have my own life and desires. What about that? Why the world is becoming selfish? No body bothers about my comfort. Am I a sacrificial goat? Such thoughts slowly develop and destroy the relationship over period of time. Any relationship that began with imbalances would not survive long if checks are not kept. If you sacrifice more, please stop and review your life.

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Is This Love or Emotional Dependency?

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One of my clients, whose ex-girlfriend recently broke up with him, asked me the following question:

"I think I still love her, but is this love or just emotional dependency? Many times I ask myself if falling in lovefrom the heart I don't expect anything back, but when I fall in love I think this is a different energy."

Falling in love can come from two different inner states. When you fall in love from the wounded self – the ego self – you are in love with how the other person loves you. You are handing over to the other person the responsibility for your self-worth and wellbeing, and if he or she does a good job of attending to you in the way you want to be attended to, then you may say you are "in love." However, it is not so much the person you love, but how he or she loves you. When it feels as if you can't live without the other person, it is emotional dependency. The part of you that is "in love" is really a child or adolescent who is needy for love because you are not giving love to yourself or to others. There is an emptiness inside that you expect someone else to fill, because you are not taking responsibility for your own feelings of self-worth. You are attaching your worth to another's love, which is why you can't live without that person.

When you fall in love as a loving adult instead of as a wounded, needy child or adolescent, your need for the relationship is totally different. As a loving adult, you have learned how to fill yourself with love and define your own worth. Instead of needing someone to fill you and make you feel lovable and worthy, you already feel worthy and full of love. You experience this inner fullness because you have learned how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs, and you have learned to fill yourself with love from a Divine Source. 

This fullness overflows and you want to share this love with another person, another loving adult who is also filled with love. Your desire is to share love rather than to get love comes from the wounded self because (for me at least) it feels as if I can't live without the other person. When I give love

The kind of person you will pick will be totally different when a loving adult is choosing than when your wounded self is choosing. The people we pick have a similar level of woundedness and a similar level of emotional health. Obviously, the more you have done your inner work to connect with Divine Love and bring that love within to take loving care of yourself, the more you will be attracted to someone also does this.

When you pick from your wounded self, you will pick someone whom you believe wants the job of filling you up. The problem is that the other person may be attempting to fill you up in the hopes that you will also fill up him or her. Two people who each want to get love rather than share love will eventually find themselves very disappointed with each other. They will each blame the other for not loving them in the way they want to be loved. When relationships break up, it is often because one or both partners are not taking responsibility for their own feelings and self-worth and are blaming the other for their resulting unhappiness.

If you are so attached to someone that you feel you can't live without that person, try learning to give to yourself and others what it is you want from this person. Your job is to become the person to yourself that you want the other person to be. Then you will be able to be "in love" rather than "in need." You will be able to love another person for who he or she is rather than for what this person can do for you. Instead of needing to get love, you can give love from the heart for the joy of it and feel filled in the giving.

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Relationships And Poor Communication

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To communicate means to tell about our feelings, and our thoughts. When we communicate, our words may not say precisely what is in our mind, but when somebody takes our body language and words together, he/she can probably find out what we really want to communicate. Understanding communication and making communication is both an art and a science. But it is not very difficult to learn.

Relationships thrive on good communication. When both the partners know exactly what is in the other's mind, a relationship proceeds smoothly. For example, if a partner is lethargic and keeping quiet, that also communicates something. That has to be understood by the other partner. Once both the partners understand the hidden signs and the precise meaning of what is being said, they can develop a very healthy relationship. People feel good if some body understands them. They get irritated if somebody does not understand them. Irrespective of their own bad communication, they want people to understand them. Here lies the clue to communication and relationships. 

Many relationships develop despite of poor communication in the beginning. The excitement of the partnership and the euphoric love make bad communication not very necessary to make the relationship cross the threshold. But after some time, as love thins down and cracks begin developing, the need for good communication increases substantially.

If you are facing a problem of bad communication with your partner, the best thing is to ask. Don't assume the meaning, but say, darling; I am not getting what you want to communicate. I am sorry, but please explain. Be sincere in your request. You must show that you really want to understand. Slowly the communication will begin improving. Good communication is important to sort out many issues that a couple faces in a relationship.

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